We all know that relationships can be difficult. One of the best methods we have for making every relationship less stressful and more enjoyable is to show a little patience.  Patience has been defined as what we lack for the driver in front of us and demand from the driver behind us.

In truth, patience is nothing more than time.

Time before we say something: Think of a time when someone was not patient with you when you needed them to be. Think of how you felt. Think of how deeply you might have been hurt. The next time you find yourself losing patience with another, take a moment to remind yourself of how you felt when someone had no patience with you.

Time before moaning and groaning: Patience takes time, but no more time than the showing of anger; of stomping or yelling or whining or complaining. A little patience can often resolve a conflict that a loss of patience will only escalate.

Time to just let things run their course: Arnold H. Glasow said, “The key to everything is patience. You get a chicken by hatching an egg, not by smashing it.” Some things require a certain amount of time. Losing patience only hurts ourselves and won’t speed up the process.

So take the time to smile instead of frown; the time to wink instead of snarl. How much time does it really take to give someone a small nod or a pat on the back? We never stop to think about how a little of our time can make such a big difference in how we make another feel.

Benjamin Franklin said, “He that can have patience can have what he will.”

The lack of patience is the key to so much unhappiness and grief in this world, when all it requires is a little time on our part. One of the simplest ways to build stronger relationships and bring more happiness into our lives is by becoming a little more patient. Showing someone patience is really giving to another that which we wish to receive, while a lack of patience is nothing more than a reflection of ourselves.

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As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled – the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

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We’ve all been on a date before and wondered whether or not you should or should not do or say something. As much as we would like to deny it, there are some unwritten dating ‘rules’ that everyone should follow…which will make everyone, male and female, much more comfortable and content with a date.

First, there are some things everyone should do on dates. There is the obvious first impression. Try to look your best and be punctual. No one wants to date an irresponsible slob. To go the other way, flatter and compliment your date on the way they look and the things they wear. People tend to put in a lot of effort for a date, so being told that they look nice is always good to hear.

Have fun when dating. Be interested and interesting. Make sure to tell someone if you are not interested in dating them again. Being lied to and hopes kept alive is an evil and malicious act. If you don’t want to see them again, let them know that in the nicest possible way you can.

Date the type of people you like and are attracted to, whatever your friends may say. Stay positive even when dates don’t end well. You will meet some nice people and probably make some good contacts.

Dating is a creative diversion, it requires concentration and energy so when you are dating keep some plans in the forefront of your mind and allow dating to take you to places you always wanted to visit within your own city.

Make dating happen for yourself. People will not come and ring your bell from nowhere. Dating requires positive action so go out there and meet people, as many people as you can. Practice your chat and flirting on shop workers, bar attendants, anywhere and everywhere. Being nice to people is very sexy and great fun.

Surround yourself with positive like minded people who are also dating. Think about the girls from Sex and the City and how they assist each other in dating and matters of romance. Negative friends who don’t condone the dating scene or don’t understand it will only help lower your own expectations and make you feel negative.

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Among the many emotions that man was destined to experience, it seems that love is the best emotions ever created.

No wonder why many people are wishing to find their own true love to be happy and live a life that is full of contentment and satisfactions in spite of the many trials that life has to offer.

According to some surveys, most of the people would want to marry some day, that is why each of them are willing to go out on dates. In the U.S. alone, nearly 53% said that they have dated more than one person at the same time.

However, the concept boils down to the fact that even if dating seems to be the ideal ways to start develop a great relationship founded on true love, still it cannot be directly concluded that the activity is relatively easy.

Take for example the idea of getting a girl. Many boys are having a hard time finding the best strategy to get girls. This is because many boys also have their own fears, especially the fear of rejection.

So for those who want to know how to get a girl and ask her on a date, here are five ways that will surely make you get one and have fun:

1. Create a dazzling personality

According to some statistical reports, almost 30% of the adult population in the U.S. who are engaged into dating activities stated that the most important attribute that they are looking for in a guy is the personality. That is why most girls insist that the looks are not that important, what matters most is the personality of the person.

So if you really want to succeed in getting a girl, try to create an impression first that you have the best personality in the world. This can be projected through your sense of humor, confidence, and the way you carry the conversation with wit.

2. Be cool

The key to getting a girl should not project an air of desperation. Even if you have not dated a girl yet, try to be cool and create an impression that you want to get the girl because you like her and not because you are in desperate need of a partner.

3. Be ready for rejections

The problem with most people, especially guys, is that they have too high expectations when it comes to dating and relationships. In fact, almost 62% of those who are into dating have asserted that the people’s probabilities and expectations are very high these days.

Hence, it is a must that people must learn how to face rejections, especially men, so that getting girls would be easier. Keep in mind that girls can still say no even if you have the best car, good looks, and dazzling personality.

If in case you were not able to get the girl that you want, try to reflect what might have been the cause why she had rejected you. Also, there are still other girls out there that you can turn to, so do not be despaired

4. Consider the “No” of the girl

There are many cases wherein a girl might say “no” for two possible reasons: one is that she does not like you, and the second reason is that she wants to go out with you but not tonight. These are two different situations that must be clearly understood.

The problem with some guys is that they take it personally whenever they receive some forms of rejections. So it is better to analyze the situation and the intention of the girl by saying “NO.”

5. Be casual

The best way to get a girl is to make her feel that the date would be very casual and would not necessarily involve a conventional date or anything that would imply romantic involvement.

What matters most is for the girl to enjoy her time with you such that if both of you stand a chance of having a good relationship in the future, the memory of your first date should have been vested on good recall.

The bottom line is that guys should never make the girls feel pressured in saying “yes” every time they are being asked to go out. What matters most in getting a girl is to make it sure that the person concerned will be comfortable and would feel that she will be in good hands.

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It’s no secret that men and women are different.
It is no news that they look for different things
in a relationship. They all want different things,
different men for their different personalities.
What do women want from men?  There are as many
answers as there are types of women: young, old,
fat, skinny, talkative, quiet, beautiful, not so
beautiful.

One thing that is clear is that everyone looks
for a perfect relationship. Men are remarkable by
their caution and carefulness. Women though are
much more fussy. When it comes to choosing men,
they not only have a greater list of requirements,
they’re also keen to make the effort to help the
guy change. But despite their striving for
talking things through, most men still struggle
to understand exactly what women need to be happy
with them.

What do women want? They just want to be happy
like us. They just have a different way to show
it. If you learn their language, listen when you’
d rather speak, hug instead of just walking away,
tell the truth till it hurts, be a man she can
depend on and love her like you love yourself.
You’ll no longer ask what women want, they’ll be
asking you what you want and give it to you.

Here are some true things that we can say safely
women want from men.

Value.  Women want to know that their man is
someone other women would want. They want a
certain “gotta have” quality about their man.
This is why, when we go out with a girlfriend,
women give us looks and always seem more
interested. It’s annoying but true: the easiest
way to get a girl, is to have one already!

Structure. A woman wants stability, balance, a
sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on.
You say you’re going to be home at 9:00, you be
home at 9:00. You are late? Call. The hardest
thing for us guys is to differenciate between
support and total control. Creating a foundation
and stability doesn’t mean trying to solve all
the problems to the point you disempower the one
you love. Your love is not a crutch but a bond. A
bond where dependability is synonymous with trust.

Security. Women want to feel safe with a man.
They want to know that everyting’s gonna be all
right. This doesn’t mean you have to be huge and
strong, or have millions in the bank. It just
means you have to talk reassuringly to her, look
after her safety, and assure her when she needs
it that things are going to be OK.

Love . Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let
it all out every day, every minute of every
second of every day. Be love, crawl up inside of
it and approach every problem with the question
what would love do now? If you do this, fear will
never enter your life.

Appreciation. Women DO want to feel appreciated.
They just don’t want to be obsessed over. Guys,
show interest in a woman, and make her feel
beautiful and wanted – but don’t slave over her
and make her feel like you can’t live without her.
That’s just pathetic, and drives women away.

Don’t lie. A woman can forgive a lot of things
but she won’t put up with a snake in the grass
liar. If once she caught you that you lied her
she would never have more trust in you. Lie to a
woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you
live to play another day.

Hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before
you leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her
ten times when you get home. You must make her
feel loved and protected.

Smile. Women don’t like boring men .Be someone
who smiles, who doesn’t take life too seriously,
who lets loose. That shows a lot more value than
a guy who’s stiff and serious – even if he is
good looking or wealthy.

A woman want a man with a purpose. It’s not
necessary to have a lot of money and a great car
but they do want to be  headed towards success.
They do want to living up to your potential.

So, as a summary women like to be understood,
happiness, respect and they also want honesty.
But, as the time goes by, the woman wishes change
because she is setting new goals. Why men can’t
figure women out is because they are a
masterpiece in progress.

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If you have spend some time talking online, you know there are some question that women ask you all the time. How to answer to these question to make sure that you are getting her attention and interest? Just try using next lines:

1.When she is questioning you about your marital status just say:
“Well, my dog hates the way I do coffee, it hopes I will find someone else that will make him a coffee every morning”

2. What is your age?
“I am a little child… when I am sleeping, a mature man when I am making decisions and an exploring teenager when I have the opportunity to talk with an interesting woman”

3. Do you have children?
It is a simple question to reply but you can say more than yes/no, and earn some points. So..
If you Do Have Kids you can answer “Oh yes, I have…(a 2 years old boy), he  is a nice kid, and he is very responsible for my haircut.”
If you don’t have kids: “No, I don’t have kids yet. I’m still looking for the woman willing to take the risk of having good looking kids, like me. )“

4.What happened with your ex ?
This is a hard question, don’t give specific details, be serious and pass quickly over this subject. You can say something like : “I never joke about my love life. We just didn’t match with each other/We couldn’t pass over some problems together. and decided to go on on separate ways.”

5. What are you doing for living? What is your job?
Now, maybe you are hating your job but don’t let her know that. Be enthusiastic and positive: “I am working in  (domain) and I really like to wake up every morning  with such a job. Sometime I forget putting my socks on in my hurry to reach at work”.

6. What kind of relationship are you after?
“I really want to find someone that can take me as I am, someone that can accept how gorgeous I am. “.

7. What are you doing in your spare time?
“I haven’t to much spare time but I rely like to… (read GOOD books / watch GOOD TV Shows /  listen GOOD music / share GREAT time with my friends).”  You have to be selective and a little demanding… make her understand that you are not just wasting your time anyhow and with anybody available. So she will feel good that you are spending YOUR time with her.

The idea is that you have to be funny but serious at the same time. Make her curious, with every question you are answering her you have to make her want to know more about you. Just be different, be original.

Good luck and have fun!

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To break up a relationship is a harder decision
when we talk about a long term one.

In most cases when woman is no longer interested
in a relationship she doesn’t want to be the one
to end it. But even when she is already made the
decision to break it up, she will take some time
to give you some signs to prepare you, before she
tells you.

If you feel that something is going wrong it is
time to take a closer look at your relationship.
Here are seven warning signs she is no longer
interested:

1. This is probably the most classic subtle
signal of all: her life become too hectic. She
hasn’t picked up the phone for a few days and
when she does, she is busy and pretending that
she doesn’t have time to met you. This isn’t
necessarily a sign that it is over, but if you
are used to meet her frequently then there is
something wrong.

2. Eventually, when she decided to spend some
time with you she keeps looking around to find
something to do or someone else to talk to.
However, when a woman is interested, she puts in
the effort by giving you her full attention.

3. She’s secretive and no longer wants to tell
you where she has been or who was on the phone.

4. Don’t forget that women love to talk. If she
doesn’t ask you questions and shows no interest
in what you have to say and when you ask her
questions she limits her answers to “yes” and “no”
she has a problem. Can it be the relationship
with you?

5. Is she causing arguments over stupid little
things? If nothing you do or say isn’t right
anymore and all that goes wrong is your fault you
can start to worry.

6. She refuses the presents you make. Women love
to get presents, so if she turns yours down, she
can feel guilty because she is thinking to break
up with you, especially if you know she was about
to buy that thing for herself.

7. She talks about divorce or break up of other
people relationship, as a positive thing. Maybe a
friend of her just has braked up with her
boyfriend and now she is doing much better.

In the game of romance, few things are black and
white. Most of the points above are assumptions
based on commonly used techniques. There is room
for interpretations and misunderstandings but all
this can make you wonder if everything is ok and
discuss the problems you might have.

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As long as weddings and engagements have been around, people have associated engagement rings with large sums of money. Often times, it is hard to find cheap engagement rings and this fact puts a damper on what should be a happy and exciting occasion. Something that you may not know is that there is a solution, cheap engagement rings. These cheap engagement rings can be just as spectacular and lovely as an expensive engagement ring. If you look in the right place, you can easily find a cheap engagement ring without compromising quality or beauty.

You see, generally, when we think of cheap engagement rings, we think green fingers, poor quality and lack of beauty. But it simply does not have to be that way. Some jewelers, both on and offline, take great pride in offering their customers high quality engagement rings at a fraction of the cost. Popping the question with a beautiful engagement ring does not have to cost you thousands of dollars.

Cheap engagement rings are not hard to find either, there are a multitude of online and offline jewelers that offer very affordable engagement rings. It is important that you look for a reputable jeweler who stands behind all of their engagement rings and offer a money back guarantee.

When it is time to begin your search for a cheap engagement ring, there are a few things you should keep in mind. The first thing you should do is determine what price would fit your budget. It is important that, once you create a budget for your cheap engagement ring, that you keep it. This will ensure that you do not strain yourself financially. You should then determine the type of metal you want. You should be aware that platinum is the most expensive of the metals, yellow or white gold is much cheaper. In fact yellow or white gold is about half the cost of a platinum engagement ring and looks just as beautiful.

When you are determining a diamond for your engagement ring, choose a small karat diamond. This is less expensive and works well with a budget. It is important that you know that cheap engagement rings do not generally come with a lot of designs, etchings or patterns. You should also keep in mind that the more work done on the creation of the engagement ring, the more money it will cost to purchase. You could also opt to purchase an imitation or synthetic diamond. While these are not real, good quality ones will generally look real. Your future bride may not be the type that relies on the diamond to represent your love for her, so an imitation or synthetic diamond may be perfectly acceptable.

No matter if you choose a cheap engagement ring with a real diamond or a “fake” diamond, the true spirit of the occasion should be remembered. Choose a cheap engagement ring that will reflect the beauty of your true love and your love for her.

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Technology has always been there to make lives of people easier. In fact, thanks to technology the world of emotions has also been conquered. Don’t try to think dirty here folks. What I’m talking about is the love connection that can happen through online dating sites and chatting rooms or software such as ICQ, MSN or MIRC.

Thanks to these websites and chat software people have been given a better chance to find their partner. This is because people are given the chance to be connected wherever they might be. All different cultures and walks of life are able to meet with a simple click of the keyboard. In short a person has got a better chance to meet his or her partner because of the greater number of daters. It is also easier to meet people online thanks to online date sites and chat rooms.

After chatting for a while and getting to know one another, it would be natural to meet. It would be a pretty shallow relationship if both of you are happy to be forever just chatting. Both persons may just be really looking for someone to talk to.

Finding love through the internet offers the two sides to get intimate right away. This is because it is easier to be yourself when chatting online. Just imagine that you can say anything stupid and you won’t see the other person thinking that it’s corny. Instead most chatters, even though you are pretty corny just type LOL (laugh out loud).

Because of the perception that you have built about yourself and the other person, meeting them becomes very hard. This is because of the perception you have given to him or her during chatting could not be really you. Both of you will then have higher expectations of who the real person really is.

Another problem that online chatting could present is the confidence of a person. Since it is easier to talk online, a person who is very shy or timid may have a hard time keeping up with who he or she really is. The person instead is like living both worlds.

When also meeting for the first time after long periods of chatting that could last in the wee hours of the morning, is being able to adjust. Both of you would have to figure out that it would be harder to talk on real life because of certain other factors involved. You are now both able to see the person’s mannerisms. This will be the toughest part that you would have to overcome. Once you have gone past this, the rest will be easier.

It is suggestible though to meet sooner rather than later. When meeting earlier at the chatting stages, this prevents both person having higher expectations. This also helps both parties to decide right away whether they are just better of friends or continue to develop the relationship. This helps both parties prevent disappointment and heartaches.

Resources:

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1. Hire a Mariachi Band or Local Acapella Group to Serenade Her

Unless she truly hates you, this will surely put a smile on her face and have her inviting you back into her comfort zone again.

Be sure to pick a humorous or joyful song; go for a sense of fun, not desperation.

2. Pay a Homeless Guy $5 to Hold Up a Sign for Her

If you live in a major metropolitan area, chances are you and your girlfriend regularly walk by homeless people.

They would love to have $1, let alone $5.  Find a homeless person along the route she usually walks on her way to work.

Come up with a witty sign, like “Angela, John Would Like to Apologize for Going to Poker Night Instead of Visiting with You and Your Family.  Will you Forgive him?  – From John”

Or whatever — be sure to be creative and witty.  I guarantee she will get a kick out of this.  You might have to show the homeless guy a picture of her so he knows he needs to get her attention, but having her name on the sign should do the trick.

3. Propose Marriage to Her at a Baseball Game

This one only works if she will go with you to a sporting event.  During 7th inning stretch, half-time or throughout the event, they will often post announcements up on the big screen displays throughout the stadium.

Before the game, visit the gaming office where you can tell them to make these announcements, and say that you’d like to make on for a wedding proposal.  (or perhaps just to say hi, if she wouldn’t react nicely to a full-on practical joke like this!)

Be sure to keep an eye on the big screen throughout the game, so as not to miss the announcement.

4. Write Your Message in the Sky

We’ve all seen this in the movies, but how many people actually have the guts to go through with it in real life?

For as little as $100, you can hire an airplane to fly a message to your girlfriend across the sky.

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