It doesn’t really matter how far gone you suspect your marital relationship may be right now. If you have the desire to try and rekindle the emotion and spark that was once there, then it is time to reconsider the way in which you communicate with your spouse. The fastest way to fix marriage problems is to change the dialogue that is exchanged between the two people.

The biggest differential between couples that are able to salvage a difficult marriage and those that end up in divorce often comes down to communication. While every couple believes they are communicating in an open and honest manner, they are in fact coming at one another in a very defensive, accusatory manner which puts the other up in arms instead of at ease.

Chances are you do the same thing on a regular basis without even realizing it! So many people say they just don’t understand why their spouse won’t open up and talk to them. What they don’t realize is that they are shutting down that possibility by the tone of their voice or their choice of words when they initiate the conversation.

The problem is that there is such a surge of raw, painful emotion that lurks behind every conversation a struggling couple has. In order to push past this, you have to first recognize it is there. Then, you need new strategies to get your spouse to drop his/her guard and have a real conversation that can lead to healing action.

To begin with, you must approach your spouse at a time they are most open to communications. For instance, it will not suit you well to come at them when they just got laid off from a job or had a rough conversation with someone else on the phone.

Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.

Finally, take the time prior to this meeting to figure out exactly what you want to say, or even write it down. Carefully phrase every single line so that you never state things that place blame. You want to just focus on yourself and your own feelings. Stating your love for them is another great move.

This is a way to open the door for deeper conversation so that you move beyond the blame and angry accusations and really start to fix your marriage problems before it is too late.

Learn more here: healing a broken heart and how to get a guy back